Pampered Hands

**Disclaimer:  This entire post is about nails.  Yes, the ones that grow out of your fingers.  If this isn't your cup-o-tea, check back soon for something that might be a bit more relevant to your life.

 Okay, I'll admit it.  I have a bit of a nail obsession.  I blame this completely on the fact that my mother's nails have always been perfect and she throws around the term "pterygium" like it's no big deal. (Word to the wise- DON'T GOOGLE THIS.  It's horrifying.)  Come to think of it, my mother's endless knowledge about illnesses and drugs are probably the reason I'm a certifiable hypochondriac too...

But alas, I digress.  So I like my nails to be absolutely perfect at all times with very, very few exceptions.  I spend a lot of time perusing All Lacquered Up to make sure I haven't missed something vital, like a new O.P.I. collection debuting or the introduction of Shellac into the market.  

Let me explain... Shellac (or any number of "gel" manicures, now there a million and a half off-brands that do the same darn thing) is a gel-polish hybrid that is painted onto the natural nail, "cured" under a UV light, and sticks there for at least 2 weeks.  Like glue.  And then you can either rip it off, (unfortunately, along with the top layer of your nail) or spend an hour soaking your fingers in potentially toxic liquid to make the stuff crumble and fall off, leaving you with brittle, dry and basically useless fingernails.

Needless to say, this stuff is a miracle.  Because let me tell you... for the two weeks that it is on, your nails are flawless.  Shiny, chip-free, and strong.  (Or at least they feel strong... which is most definitely an allusion.)

So I try to get my nails shellaced (can I make this a verb?) every two weeks, and this serves me well, for the most part.  We get into trouble around a week in, where I can start seeing my cuticles, and thus having a panic attack.  So I've devised a system to sustain the long, strong nails- and keep my devil cuticles in check.

Here goes.  I begin by filing my nails (with shellac on!) back to a reasonable length.  Then I push back and trim my cuticles. (I'm afraid I've become de-sensitized to that and it's really gross.  Sorry.) Which brings me to this point...

Yuck.  Let's move on quickly...

I then buff them to take away all traces of shine- and make the surface a bit more tactile (tactile? tacky? what am I trying to say here?) and to smooth the line of demarkation (I'm totally making these terms up tonight...) and get a nice surface.  Like so.

Double yuck.  Make sure to wash your hands thoroughly before painting to get rid of all the nasty chalky biz.  You don't want that on your canvas.

And then you paint. Just in case this isn't glaringly obvious, you must use a similar shade or darker on too of the original Shellac. Durr.

And bada-bing!

And you have perfect, cuticle-free, Shellaced nails for another week.

You're welcome.

If for some weird reason you don't have all the aforementioned tools at your convenience, well, get yo-self to a beauty supply store and start working with those cuticle nippers.  Your life will never be the same.

Until next time, when I'll hopefully have something of a bit more substance to talk about.

Magic

Next week will be magical.  I've called it. Yes, I know that Halloween has passed, which only means that my favorite time of year is here.  My toes are blue and purple and numb and Starbucks has red cups.  And I'm going to Texas TWICE in the next TWO months.  Holy cow.

But back to this week...

I will not have to dread the day of my birth coming about (although I am very curious as to what my roommate has been hiding from me from my parents- they text) and I have many, many magical events on the agenda.

First and foremost, I get to see my sweet Daddio in seven mere days.  I absolutely adore the fact that he sells giant chunks of aluminum in this strange land I'm living in, because it means spur-of-the-moment, make-your-Thursday-brighter, trips.  I'm picking the fanciest restaurant in town with the most expensive steak that I can't afford and making him take me on a date.

Also, my boss surprised me with an invitation to the premiere of "Immortals," only the movie I'm most excited to see in this whole opening weekend.  Okay, really though, I've been excited about this one for awhile, due to this face.

I'm sure we will meet on the red carpet and fall madly in love and he will abandon his horse-back riding fiance for me.  Or I'll see him from a few yards away and try not to embarrass myself or my boss with my star-struckness.

I loved him first.

I'll leave it at that.  Talk to me in a few months when you fall in love too.