"The end is not near... It's here."

(**SPOILER ALERT** There are sure to be some ridiculously dramatic emotions flying about in the following post.  If you are a fellow senior and would like to remain in oblivious dreamland, you should stop reading NOW)

And no, that title was not me being super emotional (because I am never like that) rather, it is the song that came on my Pandora radio yesterday.  As I was passing by this beauty.

Not a joke. Now, as if the title isn't enough to induce chest constrictions and the embarrassing inability to breathe, recall that this song accompanied the final episode of The O.C. Like, the final episode ever.  (Requests to join the O.C. Official Fan Club can be sent to me.)

And that did it.  I feel like there is a Big Brother of sorts living inside my Pandora and cruelly playing songs that they know will crumble the carefully built walls that strive to keep me sane.

I got this same feeling recently while mindlessly surfing YouTube.  I ended up on the final scene of Pocahontas (... just don't ask) and by the end of the video I was in complete tears.  And my long-suffereing and doll of a roommate Melissa thought I had absolutely lost my mind.

You can skip to about :50 if you're short on time.  But you're really only doing yourself a disservice.

Tragic stuff, huh?  The swell of the music as the winds blows through her hair... John Smith's face as he somehow catches her scent off a leaf...

But alas, I digress.  The point here (and I promise, I have one) is that I kinda feel like Pocahontas.  Something I love soo sooo much (college, friends, Austin) is just sailing away and I can't really do a whole lot about it but stand on a rock and listen to the symphony.  And hope that one day I have hair as luscious as hers, because, I mean, wow.  That is some hair, Disney.

I am embarking on my trip to Los Angeles on Monday to interview with a few different casting offices.  Which means that once I return on Thursday, I have about a week left in Austin to live it up.  In order to succeed in my endeavor, I have noted a few things.

1. Under no circumstance will I take my optional Finance final, because it would severely disrupt this week of careless Senioritis that I have been waiting on all semester.
2. I like to live with no regrets.  Therefore, there are about a million excursions (Threadgill's Gospel Brunch, vineyard visits, floating the river, Gruene Hall, etc.) that need to happen in these days.
3. I will abandon sleep and permanently adopt a high and steady dose of caffeine into my diet. (I have a sneaking suspicion this will come in handy in LA as well...)
4. And finally, I will spend as much time as possible with my friends and try to laugh and soak up the incredible love and gifts that I have been blessed with.

I have a great amount of peace and faith in my current situation.  I know that the relationships I have forged over the past four years are not fleeting, and they will continue to support me and be a source of incredible joy in the years to come.

I don't have any idea what my life will look like five years from now.  I don't have the faintest clue as to where I might be living in a month.  I don't even know if I will ever earn a dollar from a source other than babysitting.

But I do know that God has not brought me thus far to abandon me.  He has a divinely perfect plan for my life, and for right now, knowing that is enough for me.


P.S. I promise to be exceedingly upbeat and bright and sunshine-y from now on.

And not talk about bittersweet things that make me want to cry.

Promise.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I'll do my darndest though.

Promise...